| Unless you've spent the past few weeks living in a | | | | an adventure. By all accounts, her virtue is still intact. |
| cave that isn't wired for cable, you've undoubtedly | | | | She has never had an abortion or a child out of |
| heard that Mattel, Inc. is going to redesign their most | | | | wedlock. She doesn't do drugs, doesn't drink, doesn't |
| popular toy, the Barbie Doll. So what, you say? | | | | smoke. There is a man in her life, Ken, but she does |
| Consider this: Mattel sells 20 Barbie Dolls per minute | | | | not depend on him for her happiness. Barbie is her |
| throughout the world. The average American girl | | | | own woman and she makes her own way. And yes, |
| owns 10 Barbies. If you lined up all the Barbies ever | | | | she does have a really cool wardrobe, but that |
| made, standing them head to toe, they would circle | | | | doesn't mean you won't find her at Wal-Mart every |
| the earth seven and a half times. And finally, despite | | | | now and then.Is Barbie such a bad role model for little |
| constant pressure from that bum, Ken, Barbie is still a | | | | girls? Not in my book. I'd rather have my daughters |
| good girl.So why would Mattel want to tinker with | | | | looking up to Barbie than Madonna any day of the |
| what is obviously a pretty good thing? Political | | | | week.If there is any part of Barbie that needs work, |
| correctness, my friends, that's why. In the words of | | | | it's her feet. I'm amazed that the members of |
| a company spokesman, Mattel is going to make | | | | WHINER, who all reportedly wear work boots with |
| Barbie, "a more realistic role model for the little girls | | | | flannel socks, haven't been screaming their heads off |
| who play with her."Barbie, a twelve-inch plastic doll, is | | | | over the fact that Barbie's heels have never touched |
| a role model for little girls? I have two daughters and | | | | the ground."We must do something about this before |
| that's news to me, though I'm sure RuPaul's therapist | | | | our little girls become obsessed with walking about on |
| has been aware of it for years.Here's what's in store | | | | the balls of their feet like ballerinas with leg cramps! |
| for the newly-designed Barbie: she'll get a wider | | | | Everyone knows that the stiletto heel was invented |
| waist, slimmer hips and a smaller bustline. Her toothy | | | | by a man! Come on, WHINERs, join me in my fight |
| smile, oversized eyes and big hair will be replaced | | | | before it's too late! Somewhere out there is a |
| with a closed mouth, straighter hair and a normal | | | | Payless Shoe Store that must be shut down! Let's |
| nose. In other words, imagine Christy Brinkley going | | | | gooooo..."Morons. Or is it "moronettes?"If they |
| in, David Brinkley coming out. I think the term for this | | | | redesign Barbie to make her more realistic, who's |
| kind of thing is "reverse evolution."I never really | | | | next, my old friend GI Joe? At least Joe's a guy, |
| thought about Barbie being a role model before, but | | | | bringing him into the 90s should be fairly easy. Just |
| a lot of other folks certainly have. Barbie's been | | | | give him love handles and a pot belly, put a little less |
| catching a ton of flack lately from feminist groups | | | | hair on his head and a little more on his back. Take |
| who say she represents "unrealistic goals that little | | | | that scar off his cheek and stick it where it will |
| girls can never obtain."One particularly radical women's | | | | reflect his recent vasectomy operation. Redesign his |
| group, WHINER, which stands for, "Women Hoping | | | | pistol-grip right hand so that it accommodates a can |
| INsanity Equals Reality," has gone so far as to call | | | | of GI Joe beer and stick a GI Joe Camel cigarette |
| Barbie, "an anorexic, bleach-blonde bimbo with | | | | between his teeth. The new GI Joe no longer comes |
| enlarged breasts and a hooker's smile." Several | | | | with a gun, however, a threadbare recliner and a |
| members of this same group were arrested last | | | | remote control that needs batteries are included. |
| month after sneaking into a taping of "Wheelof | | | | Nagging wife and kids are extra.Barbie's facelift (or |
| Fortune" and making lewd remarks about Vanna | | | | face-lowering) is just so much more politically correct, |
| White's wardrobe.Two other members are under | | | | fake doggy-doo. Next thing you know they'll be |
| investigation for allegedly stalking former Baywatch | | | | marketing a "Single Mother Of Nine Living On |
| actress Pamela Anderson Lee, who they say is, "an | | | | Welfare" Barbie. And the "I Do The Same Job As |
| anorexic, bleach blonde bimbo with enlarged breasts | | | | Ken But Get Paid Much Less" Barbie. And don't forget |
| and a hooker's smile." Hmm, why does that sound | | | | the "You Can Tickle Me For Fifty Bucks" |
| familiar?I still find it hard to believe that little girls will | | | | Barbie.Enough already. Little girls don't associate dolls |
| pin their hopes and dreams on a plastic doll, no | | | | with society's ills. Bored grown-ups do.If only they |
| matter how cool her wardrobe may be. But if Barbie | | | | had toys of their own to play with.From "Small |
| were for real, would she be such a bad role model | | | | Business Q&A" With Tim Knox |
| for little girls to have?Meet Barbie, a 36 year old, | | | | Tim Knox is a nationally-known entrepreneur, author, |
| successful, single woman who owns a Dream Home | | | | speaker, and radio show host. |
| and drives a convertible Corvette. She loves children | | | | Tim has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs realize |
| and animals, has lots of neat friends and sees life as | | | | their business dreams. |