| I could feel it stirring in me. Pulsing | | | | don't go away. |
| stronger and stronger. I wanted it more | | | | I am all grown up now some people would |
| than I had ever wanted anything before. | | | | say. And when the dreaded tom, tom beat |
| I desired it. I craved it. All I had to | | | | of desire grabs hold of me for one |
| do was to reach out and grab it when no | | | | reason or another, I remember my toy |
| one was looking. | | | | water pistol. I remember how guilty I |
| I was ten years old, and it was the most | | | | felt. I have learned to control my |
| beautiful, powerful yellow water pistol | | | | emotions most of the time, but not to |
| I had ever seen in my whole life. I | | | | quell them. There is so much more I want |
| tried to tell myself that the toy store | | | | to learn and to do, but it has to be the |
| owner would never miss it, but I knew | | | | right way. |
| better. I tried to tell myself that I | | | | If only I knew what was all right to do. |
| would come back some day and pay for it. | | | | If only those dreaded drumbeats would go |
| The price tag said it was only $3.98. | | | | away. For now I think I have things |
| Maybe I could save that much from my | | | | under control, but nobody knows when the |
| allowance, but I knew I wouldn't. | | | | drumbeats of desire will hit again. |
| I just took it anyway. I jammed it into | | | | Nobody knows how he or she will react. |
| my book bag. I gave into my desire. I | | | | Is any one ever really in control, or is |
| could feel the drumbeat in my head | | | | God the only one that is truly in |
| saying, tom, tom; you're a bad boy. Tom, | | | | control. |
| tom, you're a bad boy. | | | | As we enter this season of new |
| I ran almost all of the way home. The | | | | beginnings, can you honestly say that |
| fear and the guilt was really getting to | | | | you can control your emotions, passions |
| me. Later that evening I lay in my bed | | | | and desires? You may be marching to a |
| wondering what to do. That drumbeat just | | | | different drumbeat than I, but there are |
| kept going on and on in my head. I think | | | | still things you want and desire, aren't |
| I can still feel it now; that tom, tom | | | | there? How do you know when it is all |
| beat of desire and guilt all mixed | | | | right to reach out and grab them? |
| together. | | | | I think the best way to decide what is |
| When I woke up in the morning, I ran out | | | | right from what is wrong is to ask |
| into the back yard and buried my | | | | yourself, "What would God want me to |
| beautiful water pistol in a little hole | | | | do?" |
| I dug, and then covered it up with dirt | | | | If you have enough faith I am sure you |
| so no one would ever discover that I was | | | | will come up with the right answer. |
| a sinner. I never got to enjoy that | | | | Enjoy the holidays. The best is yet to |
| water pistol, and I never got over | | | | come. It's going to give all of us |
| feeling guilty about taking it. There | | | | sinners the opportunity for a new |
| are some drumbeats of conscience that | | | | beginning. |