| I could feel it stirring in me. Pulsing stronger and | | | | some drumbeats of conscience that don't go away. |
| stronger. I wanted it more than I had ever wanted | | | | I am all grown up now some people would say. And |
| anything before. I desired it. I craved it. All I had to | | | | when the dreaded tom, tom beat of desire grabs |
| do was to reach out and grab it when no one was | | | | hold of me for one reason or another, I remember |
| looking. | | | | my toy water pistol. I remember how guilty I felt. I |
| I was ten years old, and it was the most beautiful, | | | | have learned to control my emotions most of the |
| powerful yellow water pistol I had ever seen in my | | | | time, but not to quell them. There is so much more I |
| whole life. I tried to tell myself that the toy store | | | | want to learn and to do, but it has to be the right |
| owner would never miss it, but I knew better. I tried | | | | way. |
| to tell myself that I would come back some day and | | | | If only I knew what was all right to do. If only those |
| pay for it. The price tag said it was only $3.98. Maybe | | | | dreaded drumbeats would go away. For now I think I |
| I could save that much from my allowance, but I | | | | have things under control, but nobody knows when |
| knew I wouldn't. | | | | the drumbeats of desire will hit again. Nobody knows |
| I just took it anyway. I jammed it into my book bag. | | | | how he or she will react. Is any one ever really in |
| I gave into my desire. I could feel the drumbeat in | | | | control, or is God the only one that is truly in control. |
| my head saying, tom, tom; you're a bad boy. Tom, | | | | As we enter this season of new beginnings, can you |
| tom, you're a bad boy. | | | | honestly say that you can control your emotions, |
| I ran almost all of the way home. The fear and the | | | | passions and desires? You may be marching to a |
| guilt was really getting to me. Later that evening I lay | | | | different drumbeat than I, but there are still things |
| in my bed wondering what to do. That drumbeat just | | | | you want and desire, aren't there? How do you |
| kept going on and on in my head. I think I can still | | | | know when it is all right to reach out and grab them? |
| feel it now; that tom, tom beat of desire and guilt all | | | | I think the best way to decide what is right from |
| mixed together. | | | | what is wrong is to ask yourself, "What would God |
| When I woke up in the morning, I ran out into the | | | | want me to do?" |
| back yard and buried my beautiful water pistol in a | | | | If you have enough faith I am sure you will come up |
| little hole I dug, and then covered it up with dirt so | | | | with the right answer. Enjoy the holidays. The best is |
| no one would ever discover that I was a sinner. I | | | | yet to come. It's going to give all of us sinners the |
| never got to enjoy that water pistol, and I never | | | | opportunity for a new beginning. |
| got over feeling guilty about taking it. There are | | | | |