| I could feel it stirring in me. Pulsing | | | | away. |
| stronger and stronger. I wanted it more than | | | | |
| I had ever wanted anything before. I desired | | | | I am all grown up now some people would say. |
| it. I craved it. All I had to do was to reach | | | | And when the dreaded tom, tom beat of desire |
| out and grab it when no one was looking. | | | | grabs hold of me for one reason or another, I |
| | | | remember my toy water pistol. I remember how |
| I was ten years old, and it was the most | | | | guilty I felt. I have learned to control my |
| beautiful, powerful yellow water pistol I had | | | | emotions most of the time, but not to quell |
| ever seen in my whole life. I tried to tell | | | | them. There is so much more I want to learn |
| myself that the toy store owner would never | | | | and to do, but it has to be the right way. |
| miss it, but I knew better. I tried to tell | | | | |
| myself that I would come back some day and | | | | If only I knew what was all right to do. If |
| pay for it. The price tag said it was only | | | | only those dreaded drumbeats would go away. |
| $3.98. Maybe I could save that much from my | | | | For now I think I have things under control, |
| allowance, but I knew I wouldn't. | | | | but nobody knows when the drumbeats of desire |
| | | | will hit again. Nobody knows how he or she |
| I just took it anyway. I jammed it into my | | | | will react. Is any one ever really in |
| book bag. I gave into my desire. I could feel | | | | control, or is God the only one that is truly |
| the drumbeat in my head saying, tom, tom; | | | | in control. |
| you're a bad boy. Tom, tom, you're a bad boy. | | | | |
| | | | As we enter this season of new beginnings, |
| I ran almost all of the way home. The fear | | | | can you honestly say that you can control |
| and the guilt was really getting to me. Later | | | | your emotions, passions and desires? You may |
| that evening I lay in my bed wondering what | | | | be marching to a different drumbeat than I, |
| to do. That drumbeat just kept going on and | | | | but there are still things you want and |
| on in my head. I think I can still feel it | | | | desire, aren't there? How do you know when it |
| now; that tom, tom beat of desire and guilt | | | | is all right to reach out and grab them? |
| all mixed together. | | | | |
| | | | I think the best way to decide what is right |
| When I woke up in the morning, I ran out into | | | | from what is wrong is to ask yourself, "What |
| the back yard and buried my beautiful water | | | | would God want me to do?" |
| pistol in a little hole I dug, and then | | | | |
| covered it up with dirt so no one would ever | | | | If you have enough faith I am sure you will |
| discover that I was a sinner. I never got to | | | | come up with the right answer. Enjoy the |
| enjoy that water pistol, and I never got over | | | | holidays. The best is yet to come. It's going |
| feeling guilty about taking it. There are | | | | to give all of us sinners the opportunity for |
| some drumbeats of conscience that don't go | | | | a new beginning. |